So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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