were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
