so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
