A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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