I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
