I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Can I color on your dick again?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
