dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think your dad took our porno
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
