If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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