so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
