So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize