careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
