Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
