I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
