he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
