I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
