My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
