Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
