I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
