i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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