Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
