Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
