I hate your face
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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