you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
