In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
