Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
