That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
