I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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