Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
