she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
me + whiskey = a bad person
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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