if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
