I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
