Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
