i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
