the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
