I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize