the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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