so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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