In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
