At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
