Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
