Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
