She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
