Only a mothe r could love this liver
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
