Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
