meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize