But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
