first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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