every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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