shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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