just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
