Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
