you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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