batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
