Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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