You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The struggles of a small town man whore
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My feet surprised me
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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