yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
