I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
