just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
