We won't sleep together?
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
too bad you live with your parents still
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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