I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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