no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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