remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
