i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
