Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
