i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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