i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
