I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
