Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize