oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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