Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
