hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
