I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
