ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
