I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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